Thursday, June 23, 2011

Things that make me wonder...

Sometimes I wonder about things.

I wonder why the makers of my Lincoln Navigator L (L = L-O-N-G) put the beeper to my reverse sensing system all the way in the back of the car. What's the point? I have at least 3 kids, sometimes more, a dog or two and 2 bench seats, between me and the beeper, meaning I couldn't hear it even if I was trying to {{Yes...I said if I was trying, because I'm most likely screaming and/or swinging at kids, breaking up a fight or yelling at Gracie to stop messing with the dang radio while I back up, rather than trying to listen for the beeper, which sort of makes this a moot point}}.

I wonder why my hair can't look this good everyday. I'm having a really good hair day and it was wasted on a measly trip to Target and my in laws. Oh, the pest control guy got see it, which was probably worth it since I'm usually still in my pj's and not showered when he shows up. And I did run by the Tulare office to have something notarized. So maybe it wasn't wasted after all...but I would like some people at, say, Tahoe Joe's to see it, while I'm scarfing down my perfectly prepared filet and loaded baked potato. Hummmm....

I wonder why I wasn't crazy until I had kids. I know it's not the kids, it's my hormones...never the less, I'm still Crazy with a capital C. Of course, the C to the R to the AZY is what makes my blog so good. is good, right? Or do I just think it's good? Oh gosh...I've probably make all this up in my head and no one even reads it or enjoys it...Crap. Now I need a Xanax.

I wonder why they make those bathing suits with Spanx in them. Honestly, it seemed like a great idea until I TRIED to try one on and I couldn't even get it over my legs! I saw that rack and I was like, "HOLLER!! A bathing suit that will hold in my muffin top! Can I get a what, what?" So I grabbed a couple different ones to try on. And you thought regular bathing suit shopping was depressing? I stepped into that thing and started pulling it up and when it got just above my knees, it stopped. I nearly gave myself a black eye when my hands lost their grip on it. That sucker wasn't movin'! I took it off and tried one leg at a time. I got one leg all the way in and then tried to put the other one in...then I nearly fell out the door of the dressing room. Let's take a moment to picture that, shall we? This woman that has to try on a bathing suit with Spanx in it to begin with has one leg in, one foot stuck, no bra, worn out panties, laying flat on her BACK in the dressing room hall way. A-T-T-R-A-C-T-I-V-E. But hey, my hair looked good!!!

I wonder why I'm a 37 25 year old woman that still allows herself to get sunburned beyond recognition. I mean really. We've had this conversation before. I'm a white girl. I don't tan, I burn. I dye my hair red because I think it should be my natural color. I know this about myself, yet I still go out onto the beach in my sweats and tank, and say, "Oh...I don't need sunscreen for 15-20 minutes..." and then 2 hours later I look like a lobster. How stoopid!

(This one isn't going to start with I wonder...)

Yesterday, while I was at the store, why did I feel so insecure when I was picking out my corn on the cob? I felt like there were all these farmers wives looking at me and thinking, "Oh...poor city girl has to buy her corn on the cob at the grocery store. May God have pity on her soul." No, I'm serious! I was buying unshucked corn on the cob at the grocery store and seriously got a complex. That being said...the corn was A-MAZING!!

Then, while I was loading my groceries into my LONG car, there was a woman sitting in a car staring at me like I was crazy because I was loading the groceries into the and...on top of the car seat. Yes, lady, I realize I have a very large car with an ample amount of cargo space, but FYI, the back was full of..."stuff" and I didn't want to put all my fruit and ice on top of it, ok? And, when I pull into my garage the side without the car seat is against the wall and it's easier to get in the drivers side. Geez, lady. Stop judging me. Now I ask...why do I care?!?!

Anyhoo...these are just a few things that I've had on my mind lately. Random? Maybe.

OH OH!!! I bought myself a bathing suit!! Not one with Spanx, obviously, but a cute little red number that looks like a tankini but isn't. And I don't even look like a regular ol' grandma in it! I look like a hot ol' grandma that just stepped off the pages of Sports Illustrated: White Old Lady Edition.

P.S. Thank you to whoever invented spell check.

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